Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sitting at my executive desk, staring at the wireless keyboard i bought for my I mac computer. I sit in frustration, anger, and anxiety. My throat swells up and I can feel a lump the size of an apple blocking the air to my windpipe, I feel like I cant breath. Another strike, another fight...
but really who is the fight with? Is it me? Is it myself I am fighting? These emotional outburst. The tears held back, cause who wants to cry? Do I really wanna look like a crazy person? The mere thought of crying makes me sick.
I am powerless over people, places, and things. Am I in a situation that calls for faith? Or signs from God for change?
My part? because ultimately I have a part in my own madness. What is it? Lets find out and delve into me...
I am the creator of everything that is in my life right now. I have chosen this path, and along with it comes consequences. What i really feel like is a drink... is that gonna make me feel any better? or make my problems go away? Come on now... NO. Im a grown woman, and as a grown woman need to handle my problems and issues like a woman with class, and sophistication. Exactly how do I go about it like this, when all I wanna do is scream and say "Fuck off!!" I perceive in my head that no one listens to me, actuality is... is that people dont do what I WANT... THE WAY I THINK IT SHOULD BE DON... OR BE THE WAY I THINK THEY SHOULD BE... Bottom line I want to be the director of the show. I think I know the better way to do things, or the better way for someone to act and behave. Accepting people, can be hard.
I tend to be selfish. What is selfish?