Thursday, March 1, 2012
rewrote this poem three times erased it three times... rewrote this blog once, then deleted this blog.... exposing the thoughts that cross my mind, the feelings in my heart.... I suppose these are mine to keep to myself this time since i wrote them, but couldnt post it, then rewrote it and still couldnt post it. or maybe my fear of being revealed? or my pride? or destiny? definately uncomfortable... who knows? What I do know is my life is amazing, but a few things weight so fucking heavy on my heart. Everything I have dreamt of is coming true.... beyond blessed.... health is on point for the first time in 6 years.... family stronger than ever before.... finances abundant.... and the most damn amazing friends anyone could dream of having as a ride or die... I am so focused, motivated, inspired to make my dreams come true.... yet one area leaves a sour taste in my mouth, and if i think too long it weighs heavy on my heart... Anyways... I dont understand why? Im doing everything possible to let go.... is there another lesson in this? or do i need to forgive and get rid of my bitterness? Maybe I need to throw out my emotional garbage, like the new book i just finished reading talks about... but that means forgiving... and honestly... I have zero desire to forgive... out of sight out of mind... i know all the quotes on anger and forgiveness, its a conscious choice I am making not to.... guess this is the repercussions of evil thoughts. Maybe this is my lesson?